secretagentmoof | (no subject)

The klonopin has been interesting; it's far more subtle than I expected. While the main effect is still tranquilizerish - i.e. I get really pretty sleepy - its more subtle emotional effects last a lot longer; they seem less turbid, and easier to pick out individually, instead of just being a tempest of feeling. This may contribute to me nearly breaking down and crying in front of a psychiatrist/therapist for the first time ever; when I talked about how and why I needed Ritalin, and how my academic achievements have pretty much always failed despite my efforts, I realized just how far deep the wound goes. (The juxtaposition of my li'l brother the college prof with five degrees and me with nothin' was especially harsh.)

And while I've now got a prescription for Ritalin, my psych also revealed that she's moving back to SD in September for family reasons; this will be the second one in four months that has bailed out from under me. And it took three-four months to see the first one the first time, too. And the counseling center doesn't have any other psychs on staff. So I'm really pretty concerned; the notion of loss of meds and dealing with family stuff and all the political stuff going on and having decided that my now-former job specialty is untenable... well, they scare the hell out of me.

In good news, though, I've gotten to see fireflies in my backyard for the past three nights, I finally got to meet someone in person that I'd been talking to on the internet for the past decade, and made it out to a club on my own for the first time since moving back here in August, so that has been nice.